...Anxiety, Baby! It's beyond ridiculous how much anxiety I have placed on myself until May. I did it. I basically asked for it. And I got it. I honestly don't know how some people do it.
I want to make something very very clear before I continue. This is NOT a complaining post or a pity-party post. This is simply a "what's on my mind today" post.
I feel like as much as I'm trying not to listen, the Lord is yelling at me. I've taken on so many different things for the next few months, but I keep telling myself, "everybody is this busy". Well... in the past week I have read at least three separate blogs talking about slowing down life. Talking about not having to 'have it all together'. Talking about their imperfectly messy home. Talking about not having time to do everything by themselves. Talking about 'do what you can and don't worry about the rest'. So this is why I think the Lord is yelling at me. But, I don't listen. I've always had a hard time listening. I didn't want to listen to my parents or my teachers, I'm still learning how to listen to my husband (yes, I'm ashamed of this), and I definitely do not always want to listen to the Lord.
Here is the dumb part... I KNOW I SHOULD! My life would be 10x easier if I could just listen.
I'm a Martha (no, I'm not referring to myself as a martha stewart). For the past two months the story of Mary & Martha from Luke 10:38-42 has been weighing on me like a 2 ton elephant (I have no idea how much an elephant weighs). I'll say it again, I'm a Martha. I run around making sure I get everything accomplished and then make sure everything looks right and it's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I have friends who are a Mary and I adore them. I adore their ability to let things be. I adore their ability to just want to sit and listen, and "be still, and know that He is God", not me.
At the end of the day, I know I have no control over this world, but this is a very hard concept for me to grasp. I love my life, I honestly do, but sometimes it's very hard to tell b/c of how busy I keep myself. I think I've got to juggle 54 different things at one time...and I don't.
This has actually felt really good to type all of this out. I had to let it go in some capacity. I don't know if this has even helped anybody else reading it, but it's helped me.
One thing I am going to stop doing is editing dern (southern for darn) pictures for this blog. I can't do it. And it's pointless, b/c most of the pictures are of Georgia anyway, and she is precious the way she is!
One thing I am going to focus on is Bird & Branch. I have loved it more than I ever thought I would and it's actually expanding a little. Check out my website and see what's going on!
I am trying to fully embrace this season of being out of balance and just grow from it.
I love you, Jason,
Love you all!